Facing the Comparison Trap
A few years ago, I found myself catering a very top end BBQ, chatting with a group of men I’d just met. As is often the case in these social settings, the conversation quickly turned to typical questions like, “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?”
Although everything seemed friendly on the surface, I noticed a subtle, internal shift as each person responded. As someone mentioned his job title, another his car, and another his recent holiday abroad, I started mentally stacking up their answers against my own life. Almost without realising it, I was keeping score—internally comparing myself to everyone else.
But instead of feeling more connected to these men, the comparison did the opposite. I began to feel smaller, less significant, and if I’m honest, a little resentful. That night, as I lay in bed reflecting on the evening, it struck me that I was not alone in this experience.
Nearly every man I know plays this same comparison game—sometimes quietly, sometimes openly. Deep down, we all wrestle with the questions: Where do I fit? Do I measure up?
Uncovering the Deeper Question
Beneath all the comparing lies a much deeper issue: Who am I? And even more importantly, who has the authority to define who I am? Whatever or whoever we allow to answer this question—be it our job, our bank account, or our mistakes—ends up steering our sense of identity.
Through my own journey, I’ve learned (and am still learning) that if we let culture, social media, or other people set the standard for our worth, we will always come up short. But when we allow God to speak over us, everything changes.
What God Says About Our Identity
Throughout Scripture, God continually reminds us of who we truly are:
- We are His children. “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.” (Galatians 3:26)
- We are made in His image. “So God created mankind in His own image… male and female He created them.” (Genesis 1:27)
- We are chosen and loved. “He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world…” (Ephesians 1:4-5)
- We are brand new. “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; the new has come.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)
That last truth stands out to me the most. It’s not about striving to become a “better version” of ourselves; it’s about allowing Christ to give us a completely new identity.
A Simple Prayer for Identity
Father, please silence all the other voices that have been shaping me. Help me to see myself the way You see me. I choose to let Christ—not culture—define my identity. I believe what Your Word says about me and look forward to seeing Your transformation flow into my family, my work, and my life. Amen.
Jeff the chef
Jeff Poole is about food, family and faith. His motto is work hard and help people. “Actions are your bridge that your words walk across.” That’s how he tries to live his life. Jeff was at the first Promise Keepers New Zealand Event in 1994.