From “leaving and cleaving” to the “R-word” (romance!), here are four ways to lead your home with Christ-like love
By Kris Baines
In Ephesians 5:25-33, we find the gold standard for marriage. It’s a passage many of us can quote, but fewer of us consistently live out. It essentially boils down to one command: Husbands, love your wives.
But here’s the real question: Would your wife say she actually feels loved by you?
She doesn’t need you to be perfect. She can feel deeply loved even when you stumble, provided you are transparent and devoted. Authentic love isn't just an emotion; it’s a commitment. Using Ephesians 5 as our map, here are four ways to love your bride as Christ loves His:
- Lay Down Your Life Sacrificially
Christ gave Himself up for the Church. For us, that means making our wives feel secure by going out of our way – and sometimes going without – so she can be blessed. It means acting as a responsible provider and protector, diligently seeking to meet her needs before your own.
- Lead Spiritually
We are called to “sanctify and cleanse” our homes by the Word. This isn't about being a drill sergeant; it’s about leading by example in personal and family devotions. Be the gatekeeper of your home, lovingly monitoring the influences that affect your family’s spirit.
- Nourish and Cherish Her
To cherish is to protect. Guard your affections and remain a “one-woman man” in every sense. Beyond that, be her friend. Make her smile, praise her in public, and don’t neglect romance. She needs to know she is your priority and your delight.
- Leave and Cleave
The Bible says a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. If there are “six people” making decisions for your marriage, something is wrong. Your wife must come first. You must be able to make the right decision for your household, even if it means disappointing your parents.
The Bottom Line
This is a massive challenge: we are called to be the closest thing to Jesus our wives experience this side of heaven.
On our own, this is impossible. The Christian life isn't about a “to-do list” of self-improvement; it’s an exchanged life. It’s about asking Christ to live through you. When you cry out to God for the grace to change, you become the husband she needs – and the bonus is that you’ll reap the benefits of a home where your wife feels sincerely cherished.
Why not set a daily prompt on your phone to pray specifically for your marriage? Be willing to change by His grace. It’s a win-win for everyone in your home.
Blessings,
Kris Baines
Kris Baines now resides in the UK with his family but previously lived and pastored in NZ for 26 years and spoke at Promise Keepers NZ events. He is currently serving as one of the pastors at Grace Community Church Loftus, in North Yorkshire, and also produces online courses to train church piano players.
